First Grade Report: Lane Cove v Lindfield

Heading into round 4 against Lindfield it was important to build on our solid start to the season. Lindfield were always going to be a tough opponent after beating Auburn last week and showing some good form with the bat this season. We were still a little understrength with Richo and Corn Dog unavailable… however we did welcome back Jacko from injury as well as former SPOTY Tom Holt (, whose retirement lasted a whole 3 rounds. In Holty’s memory there was a drunken rendition of You’re the Voice at the Oaks at about midnight, with Wes in good form out in whites.

The deck had just about every colour of the rainbow in it, and happily had a bowl even though 2s got 230 on it last week. Some good areas early from Eve and Scarcella and we had them on the ropes at 5/25. All quality poles aside from one with a little bit of umpire help to remove Megan Fox (no high ponytail this year?).

Eve (4/31 off 12) in particular was a class above the Lindfield batsmen, regularly beating the bat and probably could have taken more than 4 in his opening spell. Joey (2/34 off 11) also bowled with good rhythm and deserved his two poles, one of those being bowled around the batsmen’s legs (not sure how he managed that?).

From there on we were again pretty sub-par with our bowling and energy in the field. We will need to be a lot better when we come up against the stronger sides in the comp and something we need to work on over the next few weeks.

The game quickly developed into a bit of a circus, with Lindfield channelling John Lloyd and attempting to play just about every shot through 3rd slip to wide gully. Looks like Porky has been outsourced to Lindfield as a batting coach? If it wasn’t through gully it was pretty straight, with their middle order hitting a few clean ones and escalating the run rate.

Devola went for 26 off two overs, including one over his own tribute fence which of course was very costly in the sheds afterwards.

We didn’t help with a few ordinary overs – Lindfield certainly thought they were pretty ordinary as well ( , citing Richie G as ‘offering up multiple pies’ and referring to Holty as ‘medium trundle’. The medium trundle of Holt (which has taken 400 Covie poles at 17) eventually cleaned up the tail and we were chasing 187 to win.

The opening partnership of Naughto and Gump got us to 0/74 in pretty quick time, before both fell in quick succession. This brought the two Gallichans to the crease, who comfortably saw out the Lindfield attack till stumps and have us well positioned at 2/110.

Still a lot of work to do next week.

Second Grade report: Lane Cove v Lindfield

There was a necessary shuffle in the batting order this week to accommodate for the loss of our star opening batsmen, Michael “don’t you look at me” Doherty, and to fit the fat skip back in. Fortunately BDK who has become accustomed to filling the opener role was more than keen to do it again. So after confirming with the great man (with the tried and true method of how many hands am I holding up) that he had only consumed 5 litres of beer from the previous night - he was given the job again.

Encountering a green, moist mine field of a wicket we knew we had a job ahead of us. No real surprise to discover that I wasn’t going to really contribute to this job and we had soon lost our first week for not too many. BDK and Slick dug in and pushed the score to 40 odd before BDK had sobered up enough and realised what the hell was he doing opening the batting! Pegs for a handy 21.

Fish and Slick went about scoring freely and putting another 40 odd run partnership together before Slick was caught from a fairly innocuous shot at point (Cameron, google the meaning of the word.) At 3/87 on an inconsistent deck with the Fish man firing I was feeling comfortable and we may even get a reasonable score from here. Alas, this comfort level dissipated faster than a keg at a schoolies week as Fish holed out on the fence for a well made 43, and we managed to stumble to 6/124. Enter standard middle order collapse. Gladly the lower order chipped in with Phelpy adding a run a ball 34 with some assistance from Brettles (former 1st grade premiership captain – no need to ask – he will tell you!) and Bezer (did you know I made 35 last week) who gave us something to bowl at. All out for 184.

With conditions not really improving we needed to bowl well and get some early wickets. The opening pair of Pirenu and Bezer bowled really well – too well in fact – that the Lindfield guys couldn’t get a bat on it. In the end Pirenu took matters into his own hands and depegged a couple of them, finishing with tidy figures of 2/11.

After some hesitation it was time to throw the ball to Brettles. The next 6 over spell (yes – 6 overs!) was some of the best bowling we have seen in 2’s for quite some time as the batsmen played and missed regularly. Eventually one of them got a tickle and fat skip gobbled it up quicker than a fried mars bar! The game now precariously positioned with Lindfield 3 for 39. Bezer then also chipped in with a wicket and was unlucky to not have a few more. (Yes Duckman that is directed at you. Its hard to catch when you have flippers, I get it.) The home team 4 for 56 and some level of comfort coming back to the skipper. Showing experience and game awareness the batsmen for Lindfield dug in and batted patiently to close out the day with a 30 plus partnership. Even some late bouncers in dark conditions didn’t deter them, finishing with 4/95.

Game still in the balance – all to do next week.

5th Grade attempts to join Shires regulars by playing on Saturday

Muppy Cuppy Round 6 – Lance vs Warringah Green Men
Playing cricket on Saturday is the devils business. Much like diesel is the devils fuel. Its noisy and stinks – much like the Sky Muppets on Saturday. Initially the Sky Muppets firmly held the belief of ‘what the hell are we doing playing cricket on Saturday’ – but this was soon turned to delight when the Big Marn Bray discovered he could booze on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday. Oh the luxury.
Again, Lance was a little short and required the little Prince of Punjab to jab away at his mates and con them into playing cricket. Lucky he did, as some idiot won the toss (first time in over 10 months) and nervously stumbled through the decision making process. Bat? Bowl? Field? What to do. Decisions, decisions. Well, we only had 8 players as Punjab and his merry men hadn’t arrived. So we bowled.
In fairness, it was VERY moist as the pitch didn’t have the luxury of Keith Willoughby’s blanket of choice draped over it the night before. Seemed a good decision at the time. Winning!
45 minutes into our bowling attack on the Green Men and Punjab had still failed to surface. Chewy Bakker was bowling well and Franko was bowling, something. Then Chewy did his MCL and we were down to 7. I believe someone may have remarked that if this decline in player numbers on the field for Lance continued we might never have got through the overs. Impressive intellect. Either way, Prince Punjab finally arrived with Tim Davies and Buddhika Alphabet – handy players indeed. Aiden Gerrand bowled a handy spell as did Sudsy Omo (the big handy front loader himself) and Sudsy in particular was all over the little Green Men. But the little aliens were certainly up to facing our humble offerings and ended their digs @ 3-205. Points to Andrew Bray for sticking his mitt up and keeping – can’t walk today as a consequence and couldn’t lower himself onto the herdery yesterday – and needed help. True story.
Schnitz and Dastardly Dick opened up on a still wet deck, but after 40 overs on it, it resembled the moon surface – or to be more accurate, had as many divots as a tee box after Wesley Harpham has attempted to tee off at golf. Big Dick went cheaply, as did the Fresh Prince of Punjab – but not before the Pushkar brain blurted out this Einstein buster – “Chief, we’re not scoring any runs. There are no points for coming second today. I’m going for it!” Indeed Pushkar. He was out next over.
Schnitz got through to almost drinks before being caught at first Lloyd. Buddhika batted very well for 55 odd. Aiden Gerrand hit a brief cameo, as did Sockit Twomey and Tim Davies. Big Marn Bray didn’t and failed. In the end, it was a very difficult pitch to bat on and Lance was caught short for 120. Not winning.
Back to Sunday cricket this week. Normality restored.
Steve Chooner
Dagwood Assasin
Buddhika – 3
Schnitz – 2
Sudsy - 1