TWIC - Did any Trick or Treaters disappear in Crows Nest on Friday night, and if so, does Chris Granger have an alibi?

The first day of the semi-local clash against part-time rivals Epping took place on Saturday, a fixture much anticipated by the shadier characters at the club and in particular Brett Richardson, who likes to aggressively explore alternative avenues to victory not normally trod by law-abiding, conscientious citizens.  Our Porky Prez spoke about upholding the club's ethos and proud traditions on Saturday night...  I think he meant for us to play competitive cricket whilst upholding the spirit of the game, but it appears most of us chose to interpret his words in a more recent historical context - that of the excellent Lane Cove art of getting beaten arse over tit every week.  Tiny fluttering fightbacks here and there left glimmers of hope for the second day next week, but make no mistake, Lane Cove is on the ropes against a club who we should be administering a moderate dusting up to if we think we're a chance of winning any pots this season.  Again, the club's only beacon of hope are the undefeated Sky Muppets who continue to excel under the stirling captaincy of Dub Keith Muppet.  Maybe he should take over the 1st Grade side?


1st Grade:   Lane Cove 191 v Epping 4/76

1st Grade skipper Brett Richardson typed up this report, probably inbetween sessions of bottle capping and Mr Sheening the match ball from the weekend...

I love playing Epping and I've been looking forward to this match all year.  I was hoping to get off to a perfect start by winning the toss, but unfortunately a passing moment of confusion concerning whether the double-sided coin I substituted in for the pre-match flip had two heads or two tails on it resulted in my calling wrong and being sent in to bat.  Not great.

As usual the Number 1 Cross Fan and Tristam started up and for once it was the Cross Fan who took the back seat as Tristam opened up the shoulders for a few boundaries before being caught for 21.  Epping were bowling good zones and the runs were drying up on the field, but things were ticking over in the scorebook nicely as I had the boys perform a bit of creative accountancy to ensure we were on our way to a competitive total.  Benny Arnall and Crossy put on "67" for the 2nd wicket before the Doinksmaster went after one too many and was caught for 66.  When Arnall (29) departed trying to sweep, again, a procession of batsmen made their way out to and back from the middle.  Glen Smith picked up his first globe for the club, something his Central Coast comrade has yet to do and which we all await with great expectation - 4/138 the score. 

I was hoping for big things from Cornelius after I invested in a new set of wooden pads for the oft leg before bore, but the ploy had only minor success when Corny was on his way for 21.  I'll have to have a wooden thighpad made up too.  Joe Camarsh (1) was beyond my questionable help, and that left the Coves in a spot of bother at 6/157.  I had the accountants step up their efforts and Davo was the chief benificiary as he scratched around for a handy 31, but it was all over once he was gone as the last few wickets fell in a hurry.  Lane Cove, Lane Cove all out for 191 in the 54th over, and I'd hate to imagine what we would have posted if I hadn't been there to inspire the scorers.

With a minimum of 26 overs to be bowled, there was an opportunity for one of the sides to get on top and set up the match for next week.  Sneaky Peter Mallyon (armed with a 142 gram two piecer I canvassed from the club's junior stocks) got us off to a flyer as he hooped and seamed the ball with gay abandon.  I managed to pick up a wicket "LBW" (the cheque is in the mail) and when Joe Camarsh tempted one batsmen into a brash slog sweep, I charged around the boundary, hurdled the fence and completed a great snare that left Epping struggling at 4/50 odd.  I definitely caught it - no doubt about it.  Unfortunately the rest of the day provided less opportunities for controversy and Epping closed at 4/76.

It was a fair day for the boys with some good signs for some with the bat and a very spirited performance with the ball.  I've taken the week off work to spend some much needed time in the workshop with the match ball, and if the rest of the team can go the extra yard as well, we should be able to bring home 6 points next week.


Richo belatedly sent me this little gem from his Blackberry, or it could possibly have been during a night out at Blueberry's judging by the spelling.  Excellent summation of a day's play.

Crossy and tristam batted well ubtil they got out so dod ben arball. We scored 190 which was disapointyinh given our position. In reply we have them 4 for 76. Sneaky pete bowled really well.

Sorry mate not in the office at month and doing tis from my blue berry

2nd Grade:   Lane Cove 107 v Epping 2/25

Exciting stuff in this match as both teams attempt to bore each other to an early grave.

Skippy Myers won the toss and - heeding sage John Lloyd's advice - led from the front and chose to throw the Hig and Mick Doherty into the fray in rather trying circumstances.  The Hig (13) was the first to depart, but Doherty and Knapp steadied the ship and ambled along sufficiently well to reach 1/59 before Mick lost his castle for 18.  Unfortunately for the nervous skipper, it was a very familiar sight indeed when Granger, Harpham Snr, Maxwell and then the Skipper himself all had very brief conversations with Gus to leave the Coves battling at 6/88.  After Jack Gayleard and Dub Jnr Muppet departed, Gus Knapp's patient dig came to a close at an invaluable 52.  The Blumpkin (0) chose to spend as little time as possible at the crease with Dodds (1*) and the Coves were all out for an incompetent 107.  Would have been a good toss to win...

You would have thought that Epping would give some consideration to going for the win on day 1 with 28 overs to be bowled and only 108 required for biscuits.  That turned out not to be the case as the Pingers made the Cove's effort look an innings of dominance as they struggled to 2/25 from 30 overs at stumps.  Somehow Dodds' minimal movement military mediums managed to pierce the defences of two less than bullish batsmen, and the enticing offerings served up by Myers, Gayleard and Maxwell all passed by without deserved punishment to end an embarrassing day's play for all concerned.

I imagine that Epping, like our 2nd Grade boys, will be hoping for better things next week.


The Hig provided this more enlightening report:

We arrived at the 'Home of Cricket' and were unpleasantly surprised to see that Dodds hadn't been summoned to dish out a few more Coogee Bay Icecreams to unsuspecting punters.  To add further to our astonishment, the Skip duely won a toss and chose to have a bat on a grassy, slightly worn Tantallon deck.

The in-form Hig and the newcomer Doherty opened up and scorched along at a cracking pace of 1.2 runs per over for 15 overs with Doherty exciting the keeper more often than not in a superb display of cagy playing and missing.  On the rare occasion he managed to get bat to ball it was generally in the air where he survived a run of 3 dropped catches.  On the other hand, Hig was playing solidly and looked in no trouble until his first false shot was snaffled by the keeper.

Knapp joined Doherty at 1/30 odd and took it through to 60 until Dohers copped a straight one that he missed.  Granger came and went pretty quickly for ZERO.  Harpham gave the Pingers some catching practice with 3 lives in his 6 before belting one to cover only to see it spilt but only as far as mid-off.  Does that count as 4 lives in his 6?  Maxwell joined the elite scoreless group with ZERO as did Myers ZERO, Willoughby ZERO and Preston ZERO as the middle order self destructed.  2nd Grade Debutant Gayleard scored half the middle order runs with 6 whilst Knapp was the true standout playing a wonderful lone hand.  He played with controlled aggression to bring up another half century despite reaching the boundary only once after a top edged cut.

On a ground where the outfield grass length resembled a Flemington Cup track, the Covies managed just 107 with ZEROs outscoring boundaries 5 to 3.

Left with 30 overs, the Covies finally found some spark and quickly had the Pingers early men in trouble.  Dodds enticed a slog from one opener to Gayleard and in the same over trapped the number 3 in front to have the Bulls at 2/9.  Not long after Blumpkin found an edge only to see the appeal turned down and when Myers also found an edge after the batsman had played and missed 723 times and had the appeal turned down what should have been 4 for not many saw Epping at 2/25 at days end off 30 overs....enough to bring the crowds flocking back.

The good news is that we still have some runs to play with, the ground won't get any faster (will it Dub?) and early wickets will cause jitters for batsmen not used to being in a winning position.  Our attitude in the field was first class and if that spirit persists, we are in with a chance of defending a poor batting performance.


Magnificent Hig, magnificent.

3rd Grade:   Lane Cove 0/6 v Epping 252

Going on recent form it looks like Epping already have more than enough runs on the board to do us over outright.

3rd Grade sent Epping in on a slightly soft North Epping Oval wicket, hoping to make the most of the conditions.  Unfortunately the pitch played better than I expected and once more I have egg on my face after making another abominable captaincy decision.  I compounded this error by not bowling Sundstrom at all despite the conditions favouring someone who bowls incredibly slowly whilst wobbling the ball around a little bit.  I live and learn.  [Cotty's email was truncated for some unknown reason]

Debutant Benny Curran bowled an outstanding spell of inswing and was unlucky not to pick up a wicket as Louis Louis burgled away at the other end, taking 2 in his opening spell.  Epping started to build a partnership and at 2/95 things weren't looking good.  Two quick wickets to Trumbull and Jamie saw the Covies just on top, with the score at 4/132 at tea.  Nick was particularly unlucky with several deliveries only just missing the stumps, with the batsman well beaten. 

A short spell of right arm heat from Mumbles saw 2 more fall, before Louis shrugged off the Peaheart tag, showing the ability to bowl more than 1 spell per day, taking another wicket, leaving Epping at 7/189.  A small partnership developed before Lulu took his 4th and 5th wickets, missing out on a 6th due to the head high full toss nature of the delivery.

At 9/209 after 61 overs, the Covies were well on top, however the last wicket didn't come for 14 more overs as the target was set at 253 to win.

Schaafsma and Sundstrom (somehow) saw the day out with 247 to get next week.

2 - Curran
1 - Lulu
1 - Mumbles


Tremendous effort in the field, boys.  Its always good to annoy the bajeesus out of your captain because he doesn't have enough on his plate already, so Nick Trumbull - you are a star!

4th Grade:   Lane Cove 167 v Epping 4/76

See Sharpy's jail birds attempt to get their season back on track after some poor results in recent matches.

Jail Birds v Pingers at Longueville Race Track

Friday night and the home of cricket turned into the home of egg fights and apparently some inpromptu grass car races as evidenced by the cut chain on the ambulance gate and the car tracks in the outfield.  Overall though the deck and covers survived another Friday night Halloween.

A quick unbelievable toss loss and the Jail Birds were in to bat and very quickly 6/34 and staring down the barrel.  No particularly bad shots on a lively deck early leading to 5 edges and walks to the keeper combined with castle destroyers in the top 7.  Luckily the Pingers didn't realise the cagey order reversal when the Halfling strode to the crease at his lowest batting position ever of number 8.  A quick rearrangement of the field for some short covers and midwickets in case Sprucey tried to get one off the square was quickly reversed after some of Sprucey's classic cover drives.  If he weighed more than 35 kilos who knows what he could do to a bowling attack.  A great composed innings in difficult conditions battling his way to his first senior half century (51*) before being cruelly robbed of further glory by a Scotty hoick!  On the way he was well supported firstly by Phelpsy with 16 and the Talented Tompsett with 13 before Pottsy came in at number 10!!!! to do some serious damage to the grandstand and to Paddy's relationship with Soph - when Paddy ran for the hills to hide behind Boobs as another one of Pottsy's 3 sixes rained down and nearly cleaned up the potential future Mrs T.  All out 167, about 100 more than we looked good for at one stage after some good bowling early on from the Pingers.

Whilst Pottsy tried to figure out what to do with the red thing, Paddy (1/18 off 10) and Scotty (3/9 off 10) bowled good areas to have the Pingers reeling at 4/33 before a good partnership took them to 4/76 at stumps.  Pretty even at the moment, one or two more would have been nice but a good getting out of Jail effort in the end.  Sprucey also cleaned up two catches to go with his 50...

G. Boyle took one screamer in the slips (at least that is what he will tell you).  That is, coincidentally, one more catch than runs he has scored in his last two digs!  Guess who opens the batting if we have a second go next week - bring those clean whites Pusie for the circuit...

3 - Sprucey
2 - Scotty
1 - Pottsy

His Sharpness 

Yes, Nude Noodler.  Very lucky for 4th Grade that you didn't knock on Stipey's door the night before...

5th Grade:   Sky Muppets 8/122 defeated Epping 121   (1 bonus point)

Lane Cove's pride and joy took on Epping in a one-day match on Sunday, with either Muppet in Chief or 2IC Neve providing the following glorious rendition of events...

Sky Muppets pop disco biscuits against the Pingers in the Muppy Cuppy!

*** NEWSFLASH *** The Bengal Tiger hits the winning runs!!!

In an entertaining match we should have won a little more easily, Push-A-Car saved the day with a very solid 6 not out enabling Lane Cove to pass Epping 8 wickets down in a match that was quite toight in the end.  But more Punjabi shenanigans later.

As is usually the case, Muppy was late and lost his toss - which is in stark contrast to his usual ability to arrive prematurely.  Bolts and Frankish opened up with the ball with Bolts in particular bowling in such great areas that better batsmen would have obliged with a schnick.  Even having a batsmen take strike facing square leg could not provide Bolts with an early break through.  But like all things Keith, in the end it did come despite some incredibly slow scoring.

Wickets trickled through at about the same rate as runs until Digg-Ins Jnr turned the innings on its head with 4 wickets in 2 overs.  Well bowled Little Higg - and bring a white shirt next week please.  Will Lewis bowled well to pick up a wicket, whilst Push-A-Car and Fish picked up 2 solid wickets apiece in the end to close out Epping's offerings at 121 after an exhilerating 43.2 overs.

Tom Pym and Higg opened up and put on 36 with all things looking rosy until we went from 0/36 to 5/54.  Fish did what Fish does best (sans Bourbon and Poker) by hitting 29 from 22 balls until he went with the score at 80.  Iced Vo-Vo followed shortly after with the score at 7/83 with Frankish and yours truly taking the score to 97 until Frankish spooned one to mid-on.  Keith gave the nod to unleash hell and with the opening quick back on, Push-A-Car finished in style with a couple of trickles down his leg side.

3 from 3 homies - I haven't been on such a hot trot since my last Vindaloo.

3 - Diggins
2 - Fishing
1 - Neville

Yes Keith - Nev is back.

Ah, the triumphant return of Neville.  Glorious!


Epping's website is here, I think they put up match reports now and again.

Sky Muppets, a reminder that your game this Sunday is at Tantallon, not Longy, in case you have an older version of the draw.  Download the latest-ish one from the Downloads section.

Again, the Poker Night is taking place on Saturday the 22nd of November at the Longueville Sporting Club.  Details will hopefully be forthcoming later in the week.  Please note that the event is INVITATION ONLY, and you're all invited.  To help us with the planning and such, can you email us at if you intend to attend my friend.

We have a new Fantasy League leader at the moment as Lulu Putnam-Gray now heads the board on the back of a Doinksmaster half century and other minor contributions.  Dark Horse Trumbull has opened up a small gap in 2nd while Gus Knapp holds down the final position on the podium despite selecting players like Tim Knapp, Wnr., Corny, Sundstrom and himself.

Much Duck Bat movement as it seems every second bloke at the club got a globe on the weekend.  After just three and a half rounds, the senior side of the club has chalked up an impressive 30! blots thus far with the promise of more to come.  You're all so hopeless - I love this club.  Clearly everybody needs to go to Training to see if Robert can work his miracles.

Looking forward to working back up to Lobster when I land in Oz